Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
MIDGETS
????
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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