Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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