dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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