I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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