um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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