i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize