Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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