Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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