Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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