Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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