I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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