seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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