how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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