two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize