pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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