Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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