I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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