My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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