Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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