Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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