dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
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Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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