Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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