I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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