Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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