do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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