You smell like a Billy Joel song
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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