remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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