No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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