My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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