he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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