12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize