brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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