totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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