omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
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Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
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A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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