we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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