If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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