my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
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He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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