i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize