If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
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we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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