sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize