dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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