just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
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Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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