Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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