I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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