i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize