Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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