did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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