we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
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Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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