He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
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Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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