I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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